


Soul Bond

by nicostolemybones (fatherlords)



Series: AUctober 2019 [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: 3rd person limited- Nico's pov, Affection, Anger, Depression, Distress, First Meeting, Hope, Indifferent, Love, M/M, Mania, Nico x Will, Panic, Paranoia, Shame, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Vulnerability, an AU where you don't feel emotions until you meet your soulmate, emotions mentioned:, lust (no sex takes place ofc), neurotic, solangelo, solangelo first meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:57:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21510670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherlords/pseuds/nicostolemybones
Summary: Day 1 of AUctober: You don't feel emotions until you meet your soulmate. Nico wasn't quite expecting to feel everything so intensely for the first time whilst laying in a hospital bed.I do not give permission for my work to appear on any apps nor do I consent to my work being reposted anywhere. If you see my work outside of my tumblr or outside of any blogs/accounts I mention in my fics, please report/contact them or inform me. If you report them, do not report as if it were your own work.My tumblr is @nicohasahappymeal
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Series: AUctober 2019 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550413
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	Soul Bond

Nico’s life was indifferent. He didn’t particularly feel anything. Not happy, not sad, not excited, not angry, not anxious, indifferent. No matter what happened to him, he felt nothing. It was bliss, sometimes, after so much trauma, not to feel anything at all. But he hated the fact that he couldn’t see the world like some did, like Percy and Annabeth did, in happiness and joy and euphoria. His mind kept circling back to how Zeus was said to have split everybody in half, into man and woman, soulmates. That panicked Nico- he might not feel emotions, but he was very aware of his admiration of the male form. It wasn’t a feeling- he couldn’t feel anything- but it was a deepset knowledge, a subconscious preference he couldn’t erase. So Nico had resigned himself to a life without emotion- he’d accepted that he’d never find a soulmate, never feel, never know happiness or sadness or anything.

That was, of course, until Will Solace came dramatically crashing into his life. Well, it’s more like Nico crashed into his life, quite literally, when he crashed his motorbike and ended up in hospital. 

The first emotion Nico felt was panic. He couldn’t move, tubes and machines that seemed bigger than him holding him in place out of fear that moving could disrupt whatever they were doing to keep him alive. Fear because he had never known emotions, and now his body was flooded with a warm off feeling, like nothing was right, that seemed to come deep within his bones, radiating through his chest and bubbling up, anxious effervescence, pounding puse, pounding head, ribs squeezing, everything too hot, too tight, too loud, too bright, too overwhelming. Nothing made sense apart from the sense of impending doom.

The second emotion Nico felt was distress. He couldn’t label it any other way- it was this deep feeling like the air was knocked out of his lungs that everything was wrong, everything, nothing was right, nothing was as it should be, nothing was as it was supposed to be. Everything felt like it was collapsing, cities falling to dust without a sound, collapsing down on him, and he was trapped.

The third emotion Nico felt was depression. A deep lukewarm muted feeling inside, one that resonated and rippled into an intense dark cloud, one that brought everything negative into perspective under a microscope, magnified and burned like an ant under a looking glass. It was the feeling that no matter what, nothing would ever be right, and everything was futile. Life was futile. All of it, worthless, worth nothing, because everything was crumbling and he was numb. He was stood warm in the rain, looking into the party, unable to get in, unable to explain that he could never join in, because he couldn’t feel like that, the only joy a spring coiled deep within its core too tight to unleash unless to explode in a mania of irrationality and terrifying euphoria.

The fourth emotion Nico felt was hope, but it was so small, so worthless, that he couldn’t see the point in it, because everything about it felt false, felt fake, felt insignificant.

The fifth emotion Nico felt was anger, bubbling up and exploding from somewhere inside, a hot feeling of consuming fire, a deep weight that felt weightless. He wanted to set the world on fire, because something was making his blood boil and his skin crawl, but what? It didn’t matter, because the senseless rage consumed him like a pillar of fire and he didn’t know why, didn’t care why, some kind of guttural, primal scream bubbling up and festering. He felt like he could explode into freedom, fight his way to liberation, shout and have his voice heard. He felt invulnerable.

The sixth emotion Nico felt was neurotic, a deep anxiety, one that bubbled and spilled over in the most terrifyingly liberating way- a feeling of fuck it, the world is collapsing and I collapse with it, the cold bitter irony of what I wished not being what I lived, laughter, angry laughter, bitter laughter at the cold truth. The anxiety melted the anger and replaced it with some kind of existential dread, but one that came with a feeling of deep insanity.

The seventh emotion Nico felt was mania. It was more than euphoria, and it was terrifying. Suddenly nothing mattered and caution was a relic. Suddenly everything was bright and fast and insignificant and everywhere, waves of intense joy and fear and a lack of inhibitions and a lack of self regulation. He felt like he was everything and everyone, all powerful, all knowing. He felt like a god amongst mortals, indestructible, untouchable, bulletproof, titanium. He was spinning on a carousel slowly getting faster and he wanted to stop but the waves of adrenaline, spiking euphoria, made it addictive. He dreaded the day it ended, figuring that the end of this feeling would be the end of the world.

The eighth emotion Nico felt was affection, pure, overwhelming, so euphoric and so high that everything felt good, because his heart was squeezing and in that moment he knew that his whole world was tan freckles and cobalt eyes, constellations of sunrise and golden curls. He knew he’d die happy if he died with his heart hammering in his chest, every coherent thought lost, drowning in the ethereal beauty in front of him. He would protect this boy, protect this angel, because he knew that this boy was why he lived and he couldn’t imagine being without this boy. He just wanted to take him in his arms and hold him close, forever and always. Puppy love, infatuation, ready to blossom and bloom into a palace of emotions.

The ninth emotion Nico felt was lust, a muted throbbing that sank into his core, contracting muscles and warm pits of coiled tension, slowly blocking out all coherent thought, primal, raw, frustratingly unfamiliar yet familiar, instinctual drives and a need for something, anything, he didn’t know what, he only knew that this feeling could only lead somewhere in ecstacy. He felt waves of adrenaline at the downright taboo and sinful thoughts crossing his mind, the automatic cascade of thoughts and feelings that crescendoed into shivers and heat, throbbing contractions and twitchy tingles, spasms and sighs.

The tenth emotion Nico felt was shame. Shame because this wasn’t how he was supposed to be, wasn’t how he was supposed to feel. A deep set onslaught of wrong, dirty, sinful, embarrassed and degraded, defiled by his own mind and own thoughts and his own emotions. Shame inbuilt by years of self-hatred and prejudice and propaganda and rhetoric and discourse, toxic poison in his blood, a deep heat that rose to the surface, puce, mortified, like he wanted to hide, so exposed and vulnerable, clown makeup, clown shoes, clown clothes, laughter, descending into brimstone. It felt like everybody knew every last dirty little secret he had, like it was always visible. They know.

The eleventh emotion Nico felt was paranoia, because They Know, They Know, They know, everybody knows, who knows, somebody, I’m nobody, are you nobody too, what do you know, what makes you think I’m somebody what must you know that I don’t know you know to make you so intrigued? What if the world knew, knew the pit of his shame, his deepest secrets, his most embarrassing moment, what if everybody knew? They know. Know what. They know. Oh gods, they know and they’re out for blood. Resistance is futile when they already know, in your closet, in your head.

The twelfth emotion Nico felt was vulnerability, pathetic, weak, open, stronger than ever. Everything had collapsed, and now he was open. He felt like his soul was open, his mind was open, like he could finally let go of everything, exposed, safe. He felt like he could spill every secret, pour his heart out, talk about his troubles until dusk and cry it out if he needed to. 

And it all happened at once, one at a time, slowly and all too fast, a microsecond into a minute, an overwhelming symphony of everything he’d never felt. And all he’d seen was his face, for the first time, his soulmate.

The thirteenth emotion Nico felt was love, months after the overwhelming, embarrassing, exciting first sight of his soulmate, laid up in bed with a bowl of soup. He’d gotten a cold, and Nico was laid up in bed. And Will had made him some soup, and it tasted terrible. But Will was so concerned and so eager to help, so full of affection, and Nico couldn’t help but fall so deeply in love with Will. Feeling emotions for the first time had been terrifying, too much, and it had been the same for Will too. Both finally got to grieve for lost ones, had the misfortune of reliving trauma without an emotional disconnect, realised that perhaps they weren’t as stable as they hoped they’d be. But no matter what they felt, finally having a soulmate felt right. Feeling emotions for the first time when you saw your soulmate was terrifying, but Nico figured it was worth it, because he was convinced his soulmate was a sun angel.


End file.
